thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize