What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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