Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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