Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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