they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
