He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Randomize
