Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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