Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
