Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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