Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My bed smells like the plague
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
