1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
