Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
