That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
