I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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