When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
