I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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