is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
