you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
