Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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