also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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