Your tits are I can't wait for
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
