I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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