Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
