woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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