Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
