Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize