My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
