You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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