i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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