so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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