i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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