So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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