pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
