Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
