I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
