I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
