Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
