she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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