She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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