Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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