please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize