Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
