you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
