when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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