She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
