i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
