If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
