still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
