haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
