So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
