My first STD was from a foam party
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
