Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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