Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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