he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
