Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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