my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They have beer where we have blood.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
