Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
bring money and cleavage
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
