Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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