Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
