dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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