Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
