Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
