I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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