she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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