I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
