my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
