these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
