i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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