This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
