i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
