"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
