How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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